Pendulous Threads

So I just came back from a wake, and I won’t lie, it put me in a bit of a funk. With every wake I go to, I confirm my decision that I do not want an open casket ceremony. I don’t want to put my family and friends through seeing me like that, so staged and empty. I want to have tons of pictures of me when I was happy and I want everyone to remember me at my best, not my worst.

Some people might find this strange, but I have no real fear of death. My own mortality does not phase me, and a part of me feels some sense of relief to know that one day my life will be over. Morbid, I know, but true. However, being at the wake today I realized that I’m petrified of dying alone. Given, I’ll always have my family and friends, but a big part of me is scared that I won’t find someone to share my life with.

And that’s a good way to say see ya in a week! Haha I’ll be posting some more things on my house blog before I leave, but this is it for the personal nonsense…for a week anyway!

Just caught up on Young Justice, so spoilers ahead!

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Maria and I are packing in our skivies. It is so unbearably hot in our house :C why don’t we have good AC?

The only thing convincing me to go to work this morning is the time and a half pay. I sincerely hope no one comes in to shop because they are all BBQing.

Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all the incredible soilders who have given their lives and are still risking their lives. I have a number of friends involved in the armed services, and I just want them to know I’m proud of them and love them. I’ll be thinking of you all today.

Well A.C. was a smashing success. Got white girl wasted in no time, I’m proud to report that I was a happy drunk, and I didn’t do anything stupid! Wore my heels the entire night, did my own make-up while happily buzzed, and had Maria do my hair which in my opinion was pretty damn adorable. Also, my hangover is pretty mild but still have to watch the food intake for today. Maybe pictures on Facebook later if Maria can find the cord for her camera…

Tonight we’re sucking it up and going to George Street Ale House for Naura’s birthday. Probably going to be guzzling water and splitting one appetizer with Maria and Matt. Cautious Kelly remains cautious.

Went for a great run this morning with Maria at Rutgers Gardens. I’m glad to be getting back into running mode, and I can’t wait to get Maria some real running shoes post-vacation. We’ve decided to sign up for a half marathon in September to keep us motivated and that has me super excited. I want to get in better shape and get back up to a real marathon by this time next year.

Also, we saw a crew setting up for a wedding at the Gardens and it looked so sweet. Small ceremoy, and honestly it’s a beautiful setting. Maria and I have both decided that we’d like to get married there. Neither of us are church people, and it’s a beautiful place that’s been part of our lives for a long time. Plus, apparently Rutgers alum get a great discount for the venue. Maria says if she can put up with Matt they’ll try to pull a double alum discount hahaha always thinking ahead, that girl.

Won’t lie, the way the Devils were handling the puck was starting to make me nervous. Glad they won, haha now the weekend will be upbeat and Maria will be happy on vacation!

For the first time, I just had a long conversation with Abuelo. We talked in English and Spanish and he gave me so many words of encouragement. Even Mery chimed in, and for the first time I think I know what he sees in her. I’ve never talked with him about love, and I don’t know that we will again, but I’m happy to say I believe everything he told me. Abuelo, I’m sorry for sometimes being a bad granddaughter. For avoiding picking up your calls and sometimes acting like I know what you said when I really didn’t. I promise to always answer your calls from now on and to always let you know when I don’t understand something. I also promise to try my hardest to speak with you in Spanish more. You’re turning 90 in just a couple of days, and I know you still have a lot to teach me about life, love, and myself. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you, but I’m going to try my best to show you. Te amo mucho.